The Two Auction Sales - Auctioneer Poetry

The Two Auction Sales

(Published in the National Auctioneer Magazine
September 1, 1904)

Two brothers had been farming, and had cattle, sheep and mules,
Horses and farming implements, furniture and tools,
But as their notions differed, to avoid a serious clash,
They agreed to have and Auction sale, and then divide the cash.

"We'll get one dollars worth of bills," John unto Jake did say
"And Caleb Swipe will make the sale for five dollars a day."
"Oh, no," said Jacob, "not for me, we'll get old Col. Greer,
He charges more, but is, you know, a first-class Auctioneer."

And thus these brothers did dispute, and argue loud and long,
Each one a trying to make out, the other in the wrong,
But finally concluding all arguments would fail,
They the property divided, and each one had a sale.

John had the choice of the two lots, and an Auction sale was made,
With Caleb Swipe as Auctioneer, who was five dollars paid,
And fifteen hundred was the sum, it netted clean and clear,
And John was very highly pleased, with his Cheap Auctioneer.

Then Jake sent out one thousand bills, to people far and near,
And published in the papers 'twould be sold by Col. Greer,
Who made Jake's sale, and now take note of statement here that follows,
He got for Jacob's portion, just twenty-five hundred dollars.

And then John went and kicked himself, and called himself a "jay,"
To hire a "Cheap John" Auctioneer, for five dollars a day.
To save some forty dollars, he one thousand dollars lost,
So always get a first-class man, without regard to cost.